Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
