mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
