Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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