K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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