Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
