how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
