So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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