Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i already hear my dad disowning me
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
