Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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