they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
