And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
