8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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