I hate your face
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
