stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
