At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just had sex on a roof
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
