You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
