Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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