Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My penis needs a shock collar
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
