He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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