carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
