All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
