So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
