Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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