I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
