I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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