Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
