That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
