we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize