omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
