they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
