Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
