you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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