dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
