i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
