I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
