At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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