you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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