She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
