you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
