Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
