Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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