well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
