oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
