PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
