I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
