Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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