Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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