Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
