just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
