dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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