I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
