She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
