If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
