I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
