She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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