:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
