I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just gargled with NyQuil
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
