You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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