Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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