last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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