All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
