Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize