awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
