and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
