omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
