I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
