i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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