That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
